SPF: Not So Ill-fated

This week for the same setting and the same characters I ended up with two different stories and couldn’t choose between them. If you have the time and the inclination, I would appreciate if you would click here for the second version and do let me know your thoughts. From the comments, I thought it best to put the (edited) note right on top.

222-01-january-7th-2018

Not So Ill-fated

Words 196

β€œLet’s go for a walk?” She wasn’t too comfortable with being alone with her husband of a few hours. They had just checked into a hotel on their way to Darjeeling for their honeymoon.

He shrugged. β€œSure.”

Walking down the deserted streets, a wave of nausea shook her. Sweating, she doubled over in agony.

β€œSaina!” Tarun supported her. β€œAre you okay?”

β€œI…I…know this place,” she gasped. She raised a shaking finger. β€œI was lynched by a mob…” she shivered and shook unable to speak more.

He froze. Had be been conned into marrying a mad woman?

He steadied. β€œRelax. Let’s go back. I think you’re overtired.”

β€œI can see it all so clearly.” She went on unheeding. β€œSo many people and I alone. Suki…”

β€œSuki?”

β€œMy love. We wanted to marry but I was older than him.”

β€œWas Suki also killed?”

β€œHe ran away.” She pointed. β€œHe used to live in that house.” She frowned. β€œBut it wasn’t so rundown or,” she gasped.

A portly balding man wearing a singlet poked his head out of the door and spat on the road.

She linked her arm with Tarun’s and smiled up at him. β€œLet’s go back.”

***

Written for the Sunday Photo Fiction – a story in 200 words or less.Β  Thanks (and apologies for breaking any rules by a double post) to Alistair Forbes for hosting the challenge and the photo prompt. To read the other stories inspired by this photo click here

Published by

Dahlia

Email me at mysilverstreaks@gmail.com or tweet me @mysilverstreaks

22 thoughts on “SPF: Not So Ill-fated”

  1. Pingback: SPF: Calling her Bluff – Stories and more

    1. Ah not exactly as I mentioned in the footnote of the earlier one – the characters and the setting is same but the ending is different. Hope you will give it a read! And I do appreciate your question

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    1. Thank you for reading and commenting. She was about 25 and he 20 when she died. Now he’s about 40 while she is 20. I did have it written but had to cut it out due to word constraints. Thanks once again!

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      1. hahaha, you are absolutely right, I was running out of time and lazy…; )…I will reread it at once, because you have deserved more….; )

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      2. OK. both stories have the following similarities. Strangely, she is not very happy to be alone with her husband. But in this version it is not so obviously a problem. The attack in front of the house, where something bad happened and where Suki lives, whom she could not marry because she was too old? Here the problem is solved, as she (probably) sees Suki at the door …. her dreams about him are over when she sees him in reality? She is glad that she can go without contact to Suki?
        This story is better in itself and satisfies more if there is no continuation. For her and her husband, the matter seems settled and Suki did not recognize her anyway. But this is also a thing of perspective…what is Suki thinking, has he ever cared about her, does he still care and hope? However, so many questions remain from a curious reader. What is haapend in this house? What is this story of Suki and her? Why canΒ΄t she enjoy being alone with her husband?

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      3. Thank you Anie for your detailed comment (even tho I sort of arm twisted you into it :D) Suki and her story is of reincarnation. She had a flash of memory and remembered everything that had happened to her in her past life. We in India are firm believers in reincarnation and there are several (real?) stories of such cases. And regarding her hesitancy and discomfort with her husband is also a cultural and local thing. She has had an arranged marriage and hence is not very sure about him or her own feeling about him. Hope that makes things a bit clearer?

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      4. o.k. thank you for explaining, I understood the reincarnation now. And of course she is not sure, when she was forced to marry him. O.K. so she was not keen on fighting and searching for Suki. She just arranged herself with the situation dan tried to make the best of it?

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  6. I do not know if I read the first story. This story does stand on its own. I guess she did not like to see what would have been her life if she was married to Suki. At least she is happy in her present life.

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      1. Well,,, I found this story a bit funny. Why are all the elderly men in your story portly and balding? Can’t they look like Richard Gere with lovely grey hair?

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      2. Well then she would be forever unhappy that she had lost her Suki and we couldnt have that could we πŸ˜‰ Besides I have a Richard Gere of my own and didnt feel like sharing him πŸ˜€

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