Khulasa on Crisis Management

Come on listen up folks – this is critical news. New and updated guidelines for management of a medical emergency have been released. They are approved, patented and applicable only for viewers of IPK3. You may have been given a practical demo but due to high stress levels (and possible drumming of heels on the floor) you may have missed some critical details.

But fikar not!

Kmami hai na?

Drumroll tan taraa

Presenting decoded and simplified standard operating procedures in a crisis situation – yaad rakhiye Khulasa Times broke the news first.

Got your pens and notepads ready? Okay here we go.

For best results you must be living in a mansion with smooth marbled floors. Keep a carpet handy (preferably Aladdin’s flying carpet). And make sure you have an appropriate male specimen to hone your skills on.

No, by specimen I did not mean a frog.

Okay fine, I shall spell it out – male specimen meaning an unconscious professor from London who has set up a massive business empire in Mumbai (by selling off his kidney).

Okay all clear?

Got your mansion? Professor?

What?

He’s not unconscious? Go on don’t be shy take a tip from IYNV (Indrani Yash Narayan Vashisht) and break a bottle over his head or even better, shriek like a banshee, promise retribution for his evil deeds – that is sure to topple him over.

  1. First and foremost, Never, Ever call up anybody for help. That is for wimps. Have the guts (and muscles) to manage everything yourself. If you have to call for help, call up somebody who is at least one thousand miles away. Why? Then you get all the brownie points duh. What if he dies in the meanwhile? Oh. Hmm. Err well, okay moving on…
  2. Slide the bulk of the hulk on to the carpet and bump it down the stairs and up into the car. A magic carpet is a must for those not into regular weightlifting.
  3. Run out onto the streets and flap your hands as if you wish to cross the road. Never, ever speak clearly about your crisis – these are dangerous times, who knows somebody may just offer to help and steal your brownie points? You want to skip this step altogether? Hmm you can but then how will everyone know how tough it is to get brownie points save a life?
  4. Unerringly locate the car keys in a mansion that you have entered not two days ago. This one is tricky and critical so be sure to zoom in on where the car keys are kept even if you have been starved and abused.
  5. Make use of technology – phone up people in other parts of the world for driving instructions and shortest driving routes. But on no account should you ask for the phone number of the nearest hospital, or an ambulance service.
  6. When you see a policeman, take time to prove the nature of your emergency if necessary beg to be allowed to go on a driving rampage but don’t ask him to help – he will demand a share of your brownie points. Besides, it is critical you save the professor all by yourself. Why, you ask? Why not, Kmami objects.
  7. Make sure to be bare feet. Why? That will come handy (or footy) to prove how swiftly and efficiently you rose to the occasion. And by extension, undying gratefulness, love, affection and a bonus halo from your in-laws.
  8. Show presence of mind and remember things that happened while you were unconscious, asleep or simply absent. Matlab? Arre baba, C ko dekha nahi? Behosh thi par yeh pata tha ki AdvSR ko spider ne kata tha?
  9. Find a doctor who can use a stethoscope to check up on the patient’s heart, lungs, bowels and missing kidney. He should be able to swiftly and accurately surmise when and why the kidney is MIA.
  10. Remember, hospitals are meant for instant diagnosis – missing kidney –> donated  –> decreased immunity –> medical emergency. Poisonous spiders be damned. Now that the diagnosis is over and done with, all he needs is treatment. No expensive interventions or medications – just some plain simple TLC (tender loving care). A soft look, a tiny smile, a gentle caress on his lustrous locks and hey presto! He would be back on his feet – IPK3 ki kasam.

Disclaimer: No responsibility will be taken in case of any protocol deviations.

PS: Did any of you catch the name of the substance AdvSR smeared over Chandni’s arms? Is it available in the market or just on Mars? Do let me know. Thinking of running a campaign to make it mandatory with every bride’s trousseau.

 

 

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11 thoughts on “Khulasa on Crisis Management”

  1. This one was too good i cud not stop rolling laughing and falling …..cant help it in any ways….i dont kno wat to say …you are killing it all with one speak…keep rocking and rolling

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Loved your Khulasa Dahlia. What an episode! They must show different version in the UK. Saw no bangles on fire just Chandani panicking. what is with poisonous creatures in IPK? It was a poisonous scorpion in IPK1. Poisonous Spiders in IPK3. Can Martians be poisoned by venomous spiders? Must find out from NASA. AdvSR got toppled over like a bowling pin because he was minus one kidney. Then gets up and walks off as if nothing has happened. Poor Chandani’s herculean effort to take AdvSR to the hospital all in waste. Someone should tell her that he is not a mere earthling.
    AdvSR smeared some cream on Chandani’s wrists to stop burning but most creams are oil based so the fire would make it worst. So if the show gets taken off, Gul Khan can make millions by patenting the cream. Then she does not have to make ridiculous serial and waste everyone’s time but on the other hand, if she does not have to worry about money she can do even worst shows.
    What a load of (codswallop) rubbish I have written. Sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ah please dont apologize! I love reading rants – makes me feel sane and not so alone 😀 I remember during IPK days, after the kidnapping track ASR and Khushi are in the hut he goes to get light for her and he gets fireflies. Remember? Well apparently the number of fireflies in India and abroad were different! Can you believe it – there was such a massive discussion over it on MED 😀 Hilarious to think of those crazy days – who knows why they do what they do? Waiting for today’s codswallop 😉

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  4. Ah yes, the fire flies, even here too some times it was only one and sometimes there were three. I can get away saying negative things here which I can’t in MED.The admin deletes the post of people (including mine) if any one wrote anything negative about IPK3. Even when people asked for a separate. stream for IPK3. So I have been very polite and constrained in my comments in your Khulasa times in case they decide to delete the whole khulasa times and that would be a shame.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It is all true. I hope Khulasa times stays on for light relief. After all, you are an esteemed contributor. Your Silver Streaks kept the IPK1 stream alive when most writers had left. Some did not even finish their stories.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Wow😁 you make me feel grand🤡😂 Did you watch today’s episode? AdvSR is really like a evil saas or to be generous the villain Ajit. “Isko liquid oxygen main daal do oxygen marne nahi dega aur liquid jeene nahi dega🤣🤣🤣🤣

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Chandani seems to have woken up from the stupor and showing some animation. AdvSR on the other hand gone to sleep. No expression on his face at all. I wonder what is BS doing in this Pyaar ko Naam Doon? All the old scenes from the original serial are being regurgitated. Hardly anything is original. Even Sha..sha is not able to make the serial interesting. Seems people have given up commenting . In Med except written update no one is talking about the serial.

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