Shayad Woh Aisa Hi Hai

Dear Friends all of us (at least those who have been reading SS Season 2!) have been struggling to understand ASR (including yours truly!). Whilst on one of my link hopping sprees, DM was kind enough to drop this article right into my inbox. And what an eyeopener and fodder for discussion. I am including the link at the bottom but am attempting to summarize the points that were of particular interest and relevance, at least to me. Feel free to disagree, in fact that is the whole point of this post to understand and perhaps accept ASR as he is with the help of your varied perspectives and understandings.

So apparently there is this thing called the dark triad that has already been well-studied and reportedly consists of narcissism (entitled self-importance), Machiavellianism (strategic exploitation and deceit) and psychopathy (callousness and cynicism).

While these three traits had traditionally been attributed to specific populations such as criminals, researchers have shown that each of these traits are clearly on a continuum— all of us  have varying degrees of  narcissistic Machiavellian and psychopathic traits.

Researchers found that the dark triad was positively correlated with

  • Being younger
  • Being male
  • Utilitarian moral judgment
  • Strengths of creativity
  • Bravery
  • Leadership
  • Assertiveness
  • Motives for power, achievement and self-enhancement
  • Being motivated by power
  • Instrumental sex (whatever that means!)
  • Achievement and affiliation (but not intimacy)
  • Having self-enhancement values
  • Immature defense styles
  • Conspicuous consumption(?!)
  • Selfishness
  • Viewing their creative work
  • Religious immortality as routes to death transcendence (?!)

The dark triad was negatively correlated with

  • Life satisfaction
  • Conscientiousness
  • Agreeableness
  • Self-transcendent values
  • Compassion
  • Empathy
  • A quiet ego
  • A belief that humans are good
  • A belief that one’s own self is good.

Does it ring a bell? Can we draw parallels? Anyone?

But before we move on to discuss ASR let’s not forget that there’s Khushi or people like her as well – who just by their being, shine their light on everyone regardless. They are indiscriminate in their giving and emits unconditional love naturally and spontaneously because that’s just who they are. They apparently belong this other type called the light triad characterised by Kantianism (treating people as ends unto themselves, not mere means), Humanism (valuing the dignity and worth of each individual) and Faith in Humanity (believing in the fundamental goodness of humans):

The light triad was associated with

  • Being older
  • Being female
  • Less childhood unpredictability
  • Higher levels of religiosity
  • Spirituality
  • Life satisfaction
  • Acceptance of others
  • Belief that others are good
  • Belief that one’s self is good
  • Compassion
  • Empathy
  • Openness to experience
  • Conscientiousness
  • Positive enthusiasm
  • Having a quiet ego
  • A belief that one can live on through nature and biosociality (having children) after one’s personal death.

Individuals scoring higher on the Light Triad Scale also reported more satisfaction with their relationships, competence and autonomy. In general, the light triad was related to being primarily motivated by intimacy and self-transcendent values. Many character strengths correlated with the light triad, including curiosity, perspective, zest, love, kindness, teamwork, forgiveness and gratitude.

Mature defense styles were also associated with the light triad (e.g., humor, sublimation, altruism, anticipation), as were optimistic beliefs about the self, the world and one’s future. Individuals scoring higher on the Light Triad Scale also reported higher self-esteem, authenticity and a stronger sense of self.

The light triad was negatively correlated with the motives for achievement and self-enhancement (even though the light triad was positively related to productivity and competence). It was also uncorrelated with bravery or assertiveness (Such characteristics may be important for reaching one’s more challenging goals and fully self-actualizing)

Additionally, the light triad was related to greater interpersonal guilt — including survivor (“I sometimes feel I don’t deserve the happiness I achieved”), separation (“It makes me anxious to be away from home for too long”) and omnipotent responsibility (“I worry a lot about the people I love even when they seem to be fine”) forms of guilt.

While these may facilitating relationships and repair damage in a relationship, these forms of guilt may limit one’s ambitions for fear of succeeding while others remain less successful.

The light triad was also correlated with greater “reaction formation.” This may be exemplified by “If someone mugged me and stole my money, I’d rather he be helped than punished” and “I often find myself being very nice to people who by all rights I should be angry at.” While having such traits is conducive to one’s own well-being, these attitudes, coupled with greater interpersonal guilt, could make them potentially more open to exploitation and emotional manipulation.

That’s it folks – the floor is open for debate and discussion. I have quoted heavily from this article: https://getpocket.com/explore/item/the-light-triad-vs-dark-triad-of-personality

Please do read it as I have may have missed out or misinterpreted stuff beyond my understanding. Plus, it offers a very cool Light Triad Scale link – I will share my score if you will 😀

 

Added 8th August 2020

Hola! Sorry to be MIA, but kya karein AD kambhakht kuch aisi hi hai. And ek aur baat confess karni thi – woh ‘shayad’ bhi aap logon ka dil rakhne ke likha tha 😛

Bura na mano, yeh humari soch hai, bas. Arnav ne hi kaha tha na kya karoon Khushi shayad main aisa hi hoon? Main kabhi kuch jaan ke nahi karta? (Kab kahan toh yaad nahi – anyone?)

I most humbly beg to differ on the awarding of the crown of ‘not meanie’ to ASR.

He is too.

Aapko nahi pata?

Bachpan se

Remember when Di brought him a balloon for his birthday – he had no problems in life, mom and dad were both around. Yet he rebuffed her. And destroyed the balloon. Which child doesn’t like balloons? And which child bursts it remorselessly for no rhyme or reason – other than to hurt his Di? A meanie 😀

Okay okay fine fine.

I miss remember the scene? Ho sakta hai.

Ya phir uss din uska mood khaarab tha.

Ya phir woh kuch aur gift expect kar raha tha.

So all said and done I am like you girls, I am in denial. I refuse to accept facts. Sapno ki duniya main rehte rehte I superimpose it on to asli duniya too. For otherwise I would not be able to breathe to continue with my customary good cheer and zest. Thus, I continue to make excuses, find reasons to justify abuse, and accept it and brush it under the carpet.  And therein lies our failure to know when the line has been crossed, when enough is enough.

But it is also our strength, but for this denial, but for this preference for SKD there would be many more broken unhappy Arnavs in this world.

But perhaps we need to learn to accept facts, move out of the cocoon of SKD and face AD, deal with it and rise above it, on our terms without creating ASRs. A tough call I know but then staying in SKD in this AD is no mean feat either!

Anyway, I digress, let’s go back to SKD :D. Mysa also commented once that ASR is cruel – or does that not cover meanness? Maybe he is just being cruel. But I think ASR is just like that. Matlab woh aisa hi hai. 😛

He doesn’t mean to be cruel. He is just stating facts. He is busy, she isn’t. Karti kya hai sara din? Fact hai. When the kids were small then she was busy, now she is busy doing nothing. For the past 30 years she ran after her kids did things for them and now too she is continuing to spoon feed them. ASR is impatient and irritated about it. Bahut ho gaya ghar ghar. Ab toh she should get a life? Kya galat keh diya? Yehi na ki sweetly samjha ke nahi bola toh itna bura maan jayegi Khushi?

But he is thinking meri Khushi kahan hai? Where is that firebrand Khushi? Who never took an insult lying down? Pehle bhi toh kiya tha? Tab toh she fought back. Maybe ASR thinks this is the way to get that Khushi back, a girl who thinks on her feet and not one who sits and mopes.

Made any sense?

 

12 thoughts on “Shayad Woh Aisa Hi Hai”

  1. Good Morning Dahlia. It is a beautiful sunny morning.It is too early to digest what you have written. So I am going to have my morning cup of Chai and enjoy the sunshine. Will be back later.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Dahlia. I read about the dark triads and lights triads in relation to ASR and Khushi.
    ASR is a self-made man. He worked hard and dirty to be where he is now All he knows how to crack deals be it at work or at home. While he was building his empire he had female company for pleasure. I do not think his relationship with Lavanya was platonic.
    But he did care for his family especially his sister Anjali meant a lot to him and would do anything for her happiness. He was cool, unapproachable. He was the king and no one challenged him. He did believe he wrote his own and others destinies. He believed in his shatir dimag.
    Except when a girl fell in his arms and changed his world. Khushi not only challenged him but stood up to him She did not get intimidated by him. He reacted by abusing her physically and mentally. .He insulted her by calling her a gold digger. He believed her to have an affair with a married man. He married Khushi to save his sister’s marriage. But he fell in love with her even when he believed her to be guilty of all the charges he laid on her door. Later he realised that Khushi was innocent. He became Arnav and a family man.

    But did he change? With Khushi, he could be himself. he would turn into a devil, be rude and blame her for any wrong happening to him and his.’ Yeh sub tumhari wajah se hua’.
    ‘Yeh tumhari he gulti hai’ were the arrows he would fire at Khushi to hurt her. Khushi took all the abuses, insults and came back for more. Why? Because she ‘understood ‘him and saw her prince instead of a beast? Because she loved him. So he got away with Mei Aisa Hi Hun.
    I do not know why Arnav has turned into ASR in SS2. Is he trying to shake off clingy Khushi?
    Kids have grown up and following their own dreams and he is horrified with the thought of clingy Khushi. There is no excitement in his life. And he wants out. That is my take on what has been going on. What have you got in store for us Dahlia?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Neatly put Ferdi!🌷 The point is according to me at least is that he didn’t change! This is him. Love changed him. For a bit. And now he is back to what he has always been happy doing. Cracking deals. Done deals are important but not of priority. As for Khushi methinks she’s expecting too much and has too much free time on her hands. Ab what S2 has in store even I am waiting to see😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes,he did not change. And you are right Khushi is expecting too much and has become clingy which is suffocating ASR. Can’t believe I am defending ASR but I always disliked Khushi taking all the abuse and came back for more. She needs to get a life. She can use some of ASR’s millions and go scuba diving in Great Barrier Reef. Go to BankeLal and learn how to make paan and open a shop selling ‘Khushi’s Paan’ I jest but she needs to let go and do her own thing.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. 😀.Thank you, Dahlia. It is a lovely sunny evening and flowers of Gulbas (Mirabilis) have opened up and looking very pretty. My brother was working in the garden all day and a robin was keeping him company. I noticed that it was a female robin. I wonder if it is her who has staked her claim to the garden. I will have to keep an eye on her.
    Looking forward to chapter 504. Have a good night Dahlia.🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good morning Ferdi! You found your emojis! 😀 I think your first comment with emojis right? Looked up Mirabilis – beautiful. See you on Chapter 504 🙂

      Like

  4. Itna bada post likha & it vanished like voldemort 😈 par chalo hum bhi haar manane wale nahi. Sry Dji bahut der lagi par aana toh tha hi. Ye post shatir dimag demand karta hai aur usse khojne main hi time lag gaya.

    After reading both triads, i think arnav & khushi has both. Khushi is scoring high on light triad but she has dark triad too thatswhy low self esteem & not so strong sense for self.

    Arnav is scoring high on negative triad but he has 1 or 2 light triad points too, which is why he has bout of lightness in him like rabba vey session & all d slight changes which come at irregular intervals.

    Season 2 Arnav is showing more of ASR than khushi ka Arnav. But he is ASR & frankly speaking Khushi fell in love with ASR only, one who was in a relationship with La, one who doesn’t believe in god & one who keeps all society rules on side. So why we all make such hue & cry when he behaves like ASR? Simple – kyunki somewhere we & khushi want ki atleast he show some respect & consideration to khushi, ki woh spl lage uske liye. Ab musibat toh yehi hai ki jo hum chahte hai woh milta kaha hai🤦🏻‍♀️& no matter how much we preach no expectations, ye dil expectations toh kar hi leta hai, phir chahe woh Arnav ho ya khushi .

    I have read new chapter too, toh will mention that here only, khushi going with Deva is good. Not only for Arnav angle but for khushi’s own self too. Sometimes even d best of us need change & fresh air to breathe. Maybe Deva did think like ASR to get ASR taste of his medicine😈 what really hurt me is khushi thinking out of sight out of mind. Ye kya kar diya Arnav tumne🙄

    Dr saheh give some very good pointers on how to manage your children😜 bahut khoob to get Ankit to open up & even get misty eyed.

    Di aaj bhi jhatke de rahi hai, BP high wiy karwana toh koi Di se sikhe. Get well soon Di.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Di ko hamesha screen space chahiye hota hai 😛 Waise aapka comment aya tha but logged in nahi the na isilye moderation main chala gaya. Thank you for the double bother! Itne saalon ka rishta hai, kaha suni toh hoti rehti hai. Aur zyaada ho jaaye to taste of own medicine is a must 😀 Waise my take reg ASR will be posting as an addendum to the above post in a bit 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You are right. The problem is Khushi. She is stuck being a mum (to kids who have grown up) and a wife [make sure he is taking his medicine and he is eating regularly etcetera,etcetera…(borrowed from’King and I’)] ASR is probably missing his feisty , challenging his authority Khushi. Perhaps instead of being rude and hurtful, he should talk to his sale Sahab Kshitij. Maybe Kshitij can be a mediator between the two thickheads.
    Good Morning Dahlia, Another hot day. Need some rain.

    Liked by 2 people

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