Category: A to Z Challenge 2016

Yajna is a Vedic tradition and literally means “sacrifice, devotion, worship, offering.” Yajna refers to the ritualistic offerings made in front of a sacred fire accompanied with the chanting of mantras. Fire is central to all Vedic rituals and Agnidev or god of Fire is considered only next to Indradev or King of the gods. Agni is present during all phases of life such as the lighting of a lamp during prayers, the yajna at weddings and finally, cremation upon death.

Yajna’s have been conducted since Vedic times as it was believed that offerings made to  Agnidev or god of Fire would be carried to all the other gods and in return they would be granted boons and success in their ventures. This ritual is believed to serve as a means of spiritual exchange between gods and human beings. Interestingly all vedic chants and mantras related to offerings to Agnidev end with the word Swaha.

Swaha is Agnidev’s wife and it is believed if that she too is not invoked, the gods will refuse to accept the offerings. Hence Swaha is given prime importance similar to Agnideva during yajnas and similarly yajnas are done by a couple. When Lord Ram banished his wife Sita (could do another A to Z challenge on that) he was asked to remarry before the Ashwamedha Yajna. But he refused to do so and instead performed the rites with a statue of Sita by his side.

The Vedic yajna ritual is performed in the modern era in a square altar called Vedi set in a mandapa or mandala or kundam, wherein wood is placed along with oily seeds and other inflammable material.  It is worth mentioning that the groom’s family brings the wood required for the wedding yajna. This is believed to signify the upper hand of the groom’s side in the entire ritual. As described earlier, most rituals and vows between the bride and groom are made in front of the fire, and the marriage vows are undertaken while circumambulating the consecrated fire. During the Bengali wedding ceremonies, the bride and groom, together, make an offering of khoi (puffed rice) to the fire.

 Quote of the day: “Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable”. Bruce Lee

All but over…

Now that the wedding is all over and done with, it’s time for the bride to bid adieu to her family. Although there is a sense of achievement, satisfaction at having undertaken the most pious of all acts and happiness as she begins a new life, sorrow as she leaves home, perhaps forever, is the overriding emotion at the time of her departure. The bride usually departs home in a flood of tears to the accompaniment of tragic songs and mournful music which would in any case make anyone teary eyed.

The timing of this exit or vidai varies from place to place – straight after the wedding (North India) or a day after the wedding (West Bengal). In the latter case, the groom returns to his bride’s home (alone or with a friend) after completing the wedding rituals. Usually, everyone, including the bride and groom, stay up the whole night chatting, singing and dancing. This enables the groom to bond with his in-laws. In some families, the bride and the groom spend their first night together at the bride’s house. In the morning, after a formal ceremony, the groom’s family arrives to formally take away the newest member of their family (of course their son too).

For the vidai (or goodbye) ceremony, the bride walks ahead and pauses at the doorstep and throws three fistfuls of rice and a few coins over her head, which her mother catches in the free edge of her sari (pallu). The significance of this custom is that the daughter who embodies Devi Lakshmi or the Goddess of Wealth, while leaving her home, ensures that the prosperity and wealth of her paternal home continues to prosper.

In other places (including Bengalis), this ritual symbolizes the bride repaying her parents for all that they have given her so far. This way, debt free she moves on to her new home. This custom, I must confess, I didn’t take very kindly to. In fact, when I was got to know about it (at the time of my vidai) and was told to chant ‘hereby I repay my debt to my parents’ I was aghast. I refused pointblank to repay any of my debts and walked off in a fury of tears.

Once at her in-laws place, the bride is separated from her husband (called kaal ratri or dark night as she is not supposed to see him) presumably to allow them to rest and recover from the hectic activities of the wedding. The following day, there is the Bou-bhat or the reception ceremony after which comes the phool shojja or literally flower bed when the bride and the groom are finally left alone to do as they please.

I suppose it’s time to draw the curtain on this marathon blogging session as well — just two more days to go.

Much like the vidai ceremony, I am more sad than happy…

Quote of the day: “Ends are not bad things, they just mean that something else is about to begin. And there are many things that don’t really end, anyway, they just begin again in a new way. Ends are not bad and many ends aren’t really an ending; some things are never-ending.” ― C. JoyBell C. 

 For the other A to Z challenge posts click here

As you may have gathered by now, most Indian weddings are long drawn out elaborate socio-religious functions. Yet Kerala Hindu weddings are short and sweet – 15 minutes max and then it is time for the sadhya or the banquet. Moreover, as you may have noticed, traditions and customs are mainly for women. But what embitters women is that often, her opinion or consent in matters of the  wedding or the groom does not hold any significance.

But this wasnt always so – in ancient India, the practice of swayamvara (swayam is self and vara is groom) where the girl chose her life partner from amongst all the gathered suitors was very much accepted. References to it have been made both in the Ramayana and the Mahabharata. In fact it was as recent as the 12th century, when one of the most romantic of swayamvaras (Prithviraj Chauhan and Samyukta) allegedly took place.

Manu, the first man, is said to have devised the laws of Hindu society in the Manusmriti. It is believed that this was first written between 2nd century BCE to 3rd century CE. Most scholars consider the text a composite produced by many authors put together over a long period of time. According to Manusmriti (“Laws of Manu”), there are 8 types of Hindu weddings. Not all weddings had religious sanction.

1. Brahma Vivah

Brahma vivah is considered the best marriage. In this, the boy and girl belonging to good families and the same varna get married. The boy should have completed his Brahmacharya Ashram (studenthood). There is no dowry involved and the girl enters the boy’s house with two sets of clothes and some ornaments. In this marriage, the boy’s family approaches the girl’s family. Kanyadaan, which is the handing of the bride by her father to the groom, is an important ritual of the Brahma Vivah.

2. Daiva Vivah

In this type of Hindu marriage, the girl’s family looks for a groom. If a girl has not been able to get a suitable husband for a period of time, her family marries her off to a priest who officiates over sacrifices.

3. Arsha Vivah

This usually takes place when the girl’s parents can not afford to meet the expense of the marriage. Here the groom gives a gift (a cow and a pair of bulls) to the girl’s family as bride price. This is not considered an ideal marriage because there is a monetary consideration involved in this wedding.

4. Prajapatya Vivah

Somewhat similar to the Brahma Vivah, except in this case the girl’s family looks for a groom and the ritual of kanyadaan is not followed. Instead of kanyadaan, the bride’s father hands over protection of his daughter to the groom during the panigrahanam ritual. The actual wedding takes place after panigrahanam.

5. Gandharva Vivah

This is a love marriage, where the bride and groom marry of their own free will, usually by simple exchange of garlands. Usually the consent of the parents is not taken or is not available because either or both parents are against the marriage. This type of wedding was considered acceptable for kshatriyas or the warrior caste.

6. Asura Vivah

Somewhat similar to the Arsha Vivah where the groom gives presents to the bride’s family in order to get their approval for the marriage. Usually the groom is not of the same stature as the bride. This type of wedding was considered acceptable for traders and certain other sections of the society.

7. Rakshasa Vivah

In this Hindu wedding, the bride is ready to marry groom, but the bride’s family is against the marriage. In such cases, if the groom’s family forcibly takes away the bride, it is a rakshasa vivah. This type of wedding was considered acceptable for traders and some other sections of the society.

8. Paishacha Vivah

In this marriage, a girl, who is not in her senses (she may not be of sound mind or intoxicated or drugged, etc) is forcibly married off. This type of marriage is condemned in the Manusmriti as the girl has not consented to the marriage.

Quote of the day:

I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife.
~Author Unknown

What’s your favorite kind of wedding?

Vermilion, a brilliant red or scarlet color originally made from the powdered mineral cinnabar, is known as sindoor in India. The groom applies the sindoor on the parting of his bride’s hair (called maang  in Hindi) during the wedding and is believed to symbolize a river of blood full of life. The ceremony is called Sindoor-Dana. The groom usually uses a ring or a coin to smear his bride’s hair with the vibrant color.

Sindoor is the most visible and obvious expression of a woman’s marital status as well as prayer for her husband’s longevity. After marriage, the bride is expected to apply vermilion daily after her bath. However, interestingly, this ceremony is considered to be a relatively new practice and one that is not mentioned in the earlier Vedic texts.

The application of sindoor is quite common in many parts of India, although styles and degrees vary from region to region. Some wear it as a dot at the juncture of the parting and forehead others, the entire length of the parting. Or even just as a dot in the center of their forehead. In south India, sindoor maybe worn on the throat near the thaali. Unmarried girls may wear the dot on the forehead but not on the parting of their hair. Once widowed, the woman ceases to wear sindoor or indeed anything to do with the color red. In fact, widows are expected to wear only white. This custom is slowly fading but unfortunately is still prevalent in certain parts of the country.

The act of smearing sindoor on the girl has been used (ad nauseam) in movies to depict a flash/spur of the moment wedding with err all its trappings and unfortunate consequences (for the girl that is). And all married women in television serials are shown to sport thick broad bands (of various designs) of sindoor but it’s use is not without adverse effects. Sindoor has been found to contain high amounts of lead, which could lead to toxicity in women who wear it along the entire length of the parting. In fact, once, a doctor described a case of habitual abortion which was ultimately traced to the excessive amounts of sindoor she applied. After she discontinued the use of sindoor, she delivered a healthy baby. Similarly, there are anecdotal reports of hair loss associated with use of sindoor as well.

In Bengali’s the custom is quite prevalent and women are expected to apply it after their daily bath – to the hair, a dot (bindi) on the forehead and the noa on her hand. In a fun filled joyous not to be missed occasion, married women apply sindoor to each other in celebration of their marital status on the last day of the Durga Puja festival.  Moreover, mother and daughter apply sindoor to each other (every time she leaves her maternal home after a visit post marriage) symbolically wishing and praying for each others’ long married life.

There are many dos and don’t associated with the application of sindoor, most of which I got to know of only much later. For instance, she must apply it before she goes near the fire (kitchen) meaning before she does anything else. She must cover her head and she must make sure to tie up her hair before applying it. And if her hair is wet (which it should be because for Bengalis a bath without rinsing of hair is not considered a bath), she should make loose bun (of course you got to have long hair) or at least hold her hair with the left hand and apply with right hand. Beware, if you apply sindoor with your hair untied, your husband is bound to go crazy. Err umm

Quote of the day:

“red the colour of the rose
red the colour of your lips
red the colour of your tongue….
red the colour of your heart……
red the colour of your passion…..”
― Marina G. Roussou

Thanks for reading and commenting – have a great day 🙂

For the other A to Z challenge posts click here

A very peculiar and unique feature of Bengali weddings is the blowing of conch shells and ululation by the women during most of the ceremonies.

Ululation or ululudhvani as it known as literally means ‘ululu sound’. In this custom, women roll their tongues and produce a long, wavering, high-pitched vocal sound that is accompanied with a rapid sideways movement of the tongue. Ululation is an integral part of weddings, indeed all festivities. The ululudhvani along with the blowing of conch shells helps to ward off the evil spirits and bring in positive energies. It also serves to alert the other members of the household that some important event is ongoing and enables them to rush to the site of activity for timely participation.

In fact ululudhvani is also used as a communication code. In earlier days, when were large and all lived together in a big house, when a child was born (or news arrived) , three ululus signified a girl and 5 a boy. Quite useful and innovative dont you think – very much like posting on Facebook! No need to go around knocking on each door or listen to complaints about why didnt you tell me first or even better, use it to crow over another without being accused of doing so 😀

That reminds me of a joke:- Once two brothers split and stopped talking to each other. Time passed and the elder brother’s son died. As per custom, he invited all the villagers for the Shradh ceremony (ritualistic customs held typically 13 days after death where the invited guests are also served a meal) except his younger brother. He was furious and vowed vengeance. “When my son dies, even I won’t invite him for the Shradh.”

In Kerala as well, ululation, called kurava, is an essential accompaniment in all ceremonial occasions. Ululation is present in other parts of the country as well. Odias call it Hulahuli; Assamese call it uruli. In Tamil it is known as kulavai.

Quote of the day: “We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” -Robert Fulghum

Well what about it – got anything to say, add or comment? I am waiting….

For links to the other A to Z challenge posts, click here

In Bengalis, there is a unique custom of exchanging gifts or tatwo, between the groom’s and the bride’s families. Tatwo comprises of various articles of clothing, cosmetics, jewelry accessories and sweets for the bride and groom as well as their family members. Tatwo arrives from the groom’s side to the bride’s house on the morning of the wedding along with the turmeric paste for the haldi ceremony. Tatwo from the groom’s side includes saris (and other accessories) for the bride along with gifts for her close relatives (mostly saris), sweets, mishti doi (sweet curd) and  a whole fish  😉 Tatwo from the bride’s family is sent to the groom’s house on the day of her bou-bhat or wedding reception.

The beauty and uniqueness of this custom is in the way the gifts are presented. Each of the gifts are artistically decorated and presented on trays and wrapped in cellophane paper and put up for display. These days, professionals are available to prepare the tatwo but usually it is the members of the family who chip in with their creative skills and vie with the other side to show off their skill sets and artistic talents. Even sweets are not spared – although these are professionally done. Since I am a non-resident Bengali, I came to know about the custom only at my wedding (and of my kid sister’s talents in this direction). And it is only last month that I had the opportunity to be involved in the preparation of the tatwo. Beginning over two months before the wedding we would get together on weekends and sit surrounded by trays, saris, shirts, chart paper, paint scissors, ribbons, cellophane sheets, muscle cramps, chatter, laughter and a whole lot of fun. Again most of the credit goes to the bride’s tireless creative sister, but surprisingly (for me) even I managed to come up with some pretty nifty ideas (like the theme for this challenge and dont miss the Spiderman 😉 ). Each item is numbered and decoded in another cute little item called the suchipatra or catalogue. This ensures that each gift reaches the right person.

Panoramic view of the tatwo

Sweet Bride and Groom!

Fishy sweet!

18. Sari as hut; 19. Sari as boat (with a boatman); 22 Sari as fish; 8. Boy’s dress as Spiderman

1. Bride and groom’s wedding reception dress; 11. Bedding set; 20. Saree as a lady; 21. Saree as a peacock; 22. Saree as a fish.

As one can imagine, transportation of these items can be a bit tricky especially if over long distances. Hence the peacock drooped a bit after his travel from Delhi to Kolkata (and beyond) and the (sari) boat (along with boatman) were forcibly squashed and made two dimensional.

To make matters more interesting (apart from the suchipatra) each of the clothing articles of the tatwo was presented with a couplet in Bengali. The  groom’s side had to deduce from couplet to whom it referred and only then claim the gift associated with it. My husband rose beautifully to the challenge but the best was when he got an SOS from about 1500 km – the couplet for the sister-in-law is missing!  He had about 10 min to come up with one – a whole lot of excitement, fun and bonding 🙂

Quote of the day: “Who, being loved, is poor?” -Oscar Wilde

Well, what did you think – dont keep it in, let us know 🙂 Have great weekend.

Saptapadi (or seven steps/feet) is one of the most important rituals and is of immense significance in most Hindu marriages. The saptapadi is the rite of seven steps taken together by the bride and the bridegroom, at a slow and measured pace side-by-side and step-by step in the northeastern direction. While moving forward the bride is always on the right side so that the bridegroom’s right hand is on her right shoulder. With each step, the bride and the bridegroom take a pledge together.

In saptapadi, (the customs for these steps vary with the groom leading his bride by holding her by the toe or the bride pushing a grinding stone on to 7 betel leaves/nuts) with each step the groom says:

O dear, I ask you to put your first step to make you the mistress of food grains etc in my house

O dear I ask you to put your second step so that you may become strong and powerful

O dear I ask you to put your third step so that you many earn fame and wealth in life

O dear I ask you to put our third step so that you may have the pleasures and facilities in life

O dear I ask you to put your fifth step for the growth of wealth in the form of cows

O dear I ask you to put your sixth step so that you may enjoy health and happiness during all the six seasons

O dear I ask you to put your seventh step so that you may enjoy all the seven pleasures of the world and always remain devoted to your husband like Jaanki.

In the saptapadi that the couple take together, each step is supposed to lead the bride away from her own family and with the seventh step she becomes an integral part of her husband’s family.

Different regions have their own variations and rituals and it can consist of only seven steps taken together by the couple along with the chanting of mantras. Or it may involve the bride and groom going around the consecrated fire seven times (or the saat pheras), reciting specific vows with each parikrama or round.

Vows made in the presence of the fire are considered unbreakable. Agnideva or the Fire god is believed to both witness and bless the couple’s union. Before circuiting around the holy fire, the robes of the bride and the groom are usually tied into a knot. They may or may not hold hands while circuiting and either one may lead the circuits around the consecrated fire. Pheras or circuits around the fire may number four, three or seven circuits round the sacred fire. Usually four circuits are led by the groom and the remaining three by the bride. However, again, this varies from place to place.

There are certain promises that the groom and the bride make to themselves and to each other, as they unite in the holy matrimony. These vows are taken during the pheras as the Vedic mantras are recited.

The Seven Vows are in Sanskrit  (with translation as interpreted from the ancient Vedic texts):

Phera 1: Blessing for nourishing food and noble and respectful life.

Groom’s vow: Om esha ekapadi bhava iti prathaman (I will love, cherish and provide for you and our children. You will support me and offer me food)

Bride’s vow: Dhanam dhanyam pade vadet (I will honor you. I take upon myself the responsibilities of the house and children).

Phera 2: Pray for strength (physical and mental). Also pray for a peaceful and healthy life

Groom’s vow: Om oorje jara dastayaha (I promise to support you forever. Together we will defend our family and home)

Bride’s vow: Kutumburn rakshayishyammi sa aravindharam (I promise to stand side by side with you in protecting our family and home)

Phera 3: Pray for prosperity and wisdom. Also pray for religious and spiritual strength and reaffirm their commitment to each other.

Groom’s vow: Om rayas Santu joradastayaha (I promise to work for the prosperity of this family. I also promise to be faithful to you and lead a spiritual life)

Bride’s vow: Tava bhakti as vadedvachacha (I promise to be faithful to you and to support you)

PHERA 4: Pray for the happiness of the couple

Groom’s vow: Om mayo bhavyas jaradastaya ha (I am fortunate to have you as my wife. I pray for a happy life and good children)

Bride’s vow: Lalayami cha pade vadet. (I will do my best to please you)

PHERA 5: Pray for happy children and happiness for all beings

Groom’s vow: Om prajabhyaha Santu jaradastayaha (I pray for the happiness and well being of our family. May we have righteous and obedient children)

Bride’s vow: Arte arba sapade vadet (I will trust and honor you. I will be with you always)

PHERA 6: Pray that we live in perfect harmony. May we have a long and happy life

Groom’s vow: (Oops – original missing! Anyone know it?) May we be happy together forever.

Bride’s vow: Yajne home shashthe vacho vadet (I will always be by your side in your endeavors)

 PHERA 7: May we always be good friends

Groom’s vow: Om sakhi jaradastayahga. (With this last phera we forever belong to each other)

Bride’s vow: Attramshe sakshino vadet pade.(I am delighted to be your wife. May we be together forever)

According to prominent Hindu texts, a marriage has no strength or recognition if this rite is not duly performed. Until the bride has performed the saptapadi she is considered unmarried. As per the tradition, initially the bride sits to the right of the groom and once saptapadi is solemnized, she is seated to the left of the groom, closer to his heart.

Note: The number 7 has an important significance in Hindu culture. For more information on this, click here.

Quote of the day: “Love doesn’t sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all of the time, made new.” -Ursula K. Le Guin

Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂

Alphabetical constraints have forced me to skip a few important and crucial wedding rituals but we will come to them in due course of the challenge 😉

For now, let us talk of the gala reception that is hosted by the groom’s family after the wedding is over. The primary aim is to formally introduce the new bride to their family and friends and also take their blessings before they begin their journey together.  On the day the new bride comes to her in-laws home (and her new home), usually that very evening or the next evening, a reception party is hosted by the groom’s side.  Understandably most of the invitees are friends and relatives of the groom’s side, however, relatives and friends of the bride are also invited to the function.

But before the public event, there are also certain functions and rituals that are undertaken at home as well. For instance, the bride cooks and serves her first meal at her new home. Nowadays this is more of a cursory ritual whereby the bride stirs a pot of kheer (a sweet dish made of milk, sugar and rice) and serves it to her new family.

In Bengalis, this custom is known as Bou-bhaat or literally ‘bride-rice’. In fact, even the evening reception is called as Bou-bhaat. As part of the rituals to welcome the bride to her new home, there is one which includes the groom. In the presence of his close family members, he formally offers her a plate of food and a new saree. He is also required to make a formal public declaration that from this day onwards he promises to take the responsibility of feeding and clothing her.

Many girls of today (well me too!) object to this custom, as they are financially independent and fully capable of self-sustenance. But it must be kept it mind that these customs originated thousands of years ago and in those days such a promise was a much needed reassurance and a source of great support to the girl so far away from her family? But perhaps it can be done away with now.

Wait…what’s the rush? Let’s think this through properly. For those not so ready to take offense, this can be a very entertaining custom. It does much to break the ice and help the bride gel with her new family. The groom is too embarrassed to formally utter the words (well mine was), which invites a lot of hilarity followed by demands of acceptance of greater responsibilities. For instance why take responsibility of just food and clothing, take responsibility for her cosmetics, her jewelry, her outings, her whims her fancies, so on and so forth.

As for me, I only regret that it took me so many years to take his word for it and go for it -I finally dumped everything and took up blogging full time. And boy, am I having a blast tapping away while he toils away 😀

So I for one, am all for tweaking this custom – apart from food and clothing let’s just add two more  to that list – a laptop and an uninterrupted wifi connection. 😉

So, what do you think 🙂

Quote of the day: Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself – Rumi.

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