Hello everyone! It’s Friday Fictioneer’s time and we have yet another party which you are welcome to join. Thank you Rochelle for hosting it and Jennifer Pendergast for the photo prompt. Click here to join and the Rules are here.
FF: Off His Chest
Words 100
ย โHello David.โ
โMary? HowโฆWhenโฆโ
โWhy so startled? My first time coming home after my wedding, I had to meet you. Arenโt you going to ask me in?โ
โErโฆ.โ
โEverythingโs the same. That pen standโs the one I gifted you? Aww, David. Still pining for me? Sorry, darling but itโs time you moved on.โ
โUmโฆโ
โI love this quaint chest. Remember how I used to hide here whenever the doorbell rang? Ha. Ha!โ She opened the chest. โEeeks!โ
โHi Mary.โ Raina popped out.
โWhyโre you hiding here?โ
โI thought it was his mom. Howโs Shailesh?โ
โYou know my husband?โ
โSort of. My ex-boyfriend.โ
***
I tried my personal favorite format – only dialogue. Wondering if it worked or was confusing – do let me know. Thanks for reading. Have a super day ๐
PS: In view of the confusion, I edited it. Hope it reads better now. Thanks for your support.
Stories and more 
Now that’s an unexpected twist. Especially for the gloating protagonist
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I was initially planning on him murdering her but then David preferred to stay within the law ๐
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the cut and thrust of dialogue is wonderful and I have little idea what is going on —
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Oops – quite a flop experiment then….
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no, not at all; others seem to have got it ๐
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Dear Dahlia,
Talk about a love triangle! Admittedly it got a little confusing toward the end for me. Still a good story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
PS “stand’s” is not the plural of stand. It should be just stands. ๐
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I guess I should have mentioned that Mary pulled open the chest and I did have scope to do so but was just feeling a tad stubborn ๐
I meant the pen stand is – contracted to stand’s. Perhaps that sounds odd ?
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Ah, I stand corrected. ๐ You’re correct. I read it wrong.
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Ah I thought I had messed up ๐ Thanks for reading with such dedication
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I must admit I got a little muddled here. Are Raina and Shailesh both in the chest?
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Sorry. Shailesh is Mary’s husband
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That was a really unexpected situation for Mary to face. Poor her.
Loved it
Thanks
Chinnulu
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Thanks Chinnulu for your support ๐
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The dialogue worked just fine. Lots of twists and turns here ๐
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Thanks so very much ๐
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Great. Reminds me of the British soap ‘Eastenders’ where everyone(almost evryone) hops in and out of each other’s bed.๐
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๐คฃ
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How funny! Well done.
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Thanks๐
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I got it and enjoyed it! Nice one, Dahlia!
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Thanks Keith๐
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๐๐คฃ๐๐
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Best compliment ๐
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I smell something fishy, when read “…itโs time you moved on.” Yeah to gayi ๐
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๐
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Great humour here. it sounds like a small isolated town affairs just go around.
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After I posted this story, I was very chuffed to come across a short on youtube about a young girl sending in a letter to a talk show host. She appeared to be another Mary ๐ Thanks James for visiting and a lovely comment.
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i suppose there’s something that needs to get out of her chest for better or worse. ๐
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๐ Thanks!
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Dahlia, that’s some intriguing criss-crossing. I wonder how a couples night out with the 4 of them would go…
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I think I have been watching too many dramas ๐ But that’s an idea that needs exploring! Thanks ๐
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You’re very welcome ๐
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I was able to follow who was talkingโฆseems like a rather awkward situation! Youโre brave to try something youโre not sure of!
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Thanks – easier to be brave when there’s not much to lose I guess ๐
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The dialogue as story-telling worked here. Quite an enjoyable love-rectangle ๐
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Thanks ๐
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What a strange encounter. Haha! Mom – ex-boyfriends drama. David should run for him life.
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Indeed ๐ Thanks for visiting ๐
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