MWWP: Tanka #1

Hello and a very good day to you. I am attempting to participate in Eugi’s Moonwashed Musings Weekly Prompt – Gingered Sky. It can be any variation of the prompt or the image (below). Click here to read the other entries on the prompt.

I am attempting to present a Tanka inspired by the image. For the uninitiated (and also for myself as I struggle to grasp the finer nuances) Tanka is a popular Japanese form of poetry that is a total of 31 syllables or less separated into 5 lines. Tanka are not (necessarily rhyming) poems about seasons, nature, desires, mood or emotions, using literary devices, such as personification, metaphors etc. Tanka is characterized by a turn, known as the pivot (third line), which marks a sudden shift from one image to that of another such as a personal reference.

The haiku on the other hand is a Japanese poem with three lines of not more than 17 syllables usually referencing a season with a twist or an ‘aha’ moment in the final like.

It also may be noted that the Japanese form of poetry avoids the use of titles and capitalization of any word. If I may add, that since this is a very short poem, each word is important and may hold different connotations and perhaps best read slowly, absorbing while picturizing what each word is trying to paint/convey. Otherwise, one tends to miss the ‘aha’ moment. At least, that has been my learning.

More than a decade ago, when I first developed an interest in writing, I had dabbled in haiku and tanka forms before switching to fiction writing. Once again, I am going where the muse leads me. Thank you for your company on this journey.

twilight –

the sun sets on another day

reflections

of all that which could

have been

***

I struggled with these five lines for over five hours. Seriously. I gave up and posted this. What do you think? Does it work as a tanka? Any suggestions? I am open to constructive criticism. Do let me know. Thanks. Have a great day 🙂

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Dahlia

Email me at mysilverstreaks@gmail.com or tweet me @mysilverstreaks

16 thoughts on “MWWP: Tanka #1”

  2. okay, Dahlia: these comments are honest and meant to be helpful: the writing is flat and a little awkward — read the last few lines — and the tanka reads like a general statement of all sunsets. I want to know what YOUR sunset looked lie? give me a few details; the inspirational one you quotes mention a ‘gingered sky’; I thought wow! that’s unusual; that’s a striking image; it nailed the sunset she saw. Your poem looks like a tanka; I would suggest: watch a sunset, pick out little details; put them in the poem —

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    1. Thanks a lot, John, for the critique. In my defense, I was trying to first describe the scene with the reflection as the pivot with twilight referring to twilight years when the person reflects on their regrets and what could have been, which is their sunset. I am not sure if you meant to write “your poem doesn’t look like a tanka”? If it looks like one, I am at peace😅

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      1. did I write that? ooops. your poem certainly looks like a tanka. Okay, I’m not sure if what you wanted came through; maybe I was looking for the wrong thing; anyhow, just think about it. What I said about specific details I stand by: my editor taught me that decades ago: I have never for got it —

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  5. Dahia, most important you wrote a lovely poem. There are times when I am writing a poem, and trying to adhere to a poetic form, my intent is lost. Remember the old saying, practice makes perfect.

    If you want to learn more about syllabic poetry, check out Colleen Chesebro’s blog https://tankatuesday.com. ❤️

    Thank you so much for joining in my prompt.

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  6. Pingback: The Limelighters – Gingered Sky Prompt Wrap-up – Moonwashed Musings

  7. Tanka or no tanka the way I understood the poem is, the reflection is not as perfect as the sunset itself just like our thoughts and actions. As in, on paper every thought or action looks perfect. But, when we execute them, they won’t turn up as perfect because we miss some important related facts needed during the time execution.
    Poem itself is beautiful along the with picture.
    Cheers..

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