This week for the same setting and the same characters I ended up with two different stories and couldn’t choose between them. If you have the time and the inclination, I would appreciate if you would click here for the second version (which is actually the original version!) and do let me know your thoughts 🙂 From the comments, I thought it best to put the (edited) note right on top.
Calling her Bluff
Words 200
“Let’s go for a walk?” She looked with foreboding at his grim distant expression. She wished she were back home instead of at their honeymoon.
He shrugged. “Sure.”
Walking silently down the deserted streets, despair stole over her. He had seemed such a fun guy. Or was he too shy and nervous?
Suddenly, she doubled over.
“Saina!” Tarun supported her. “Are you okay?”
“I…I…know this place,” she gasped. She raised a shaking finger. “I was lynched by a mob…” she shivered and shook unable to speak more.
He froze. Had be been conned into marrying a mad woman?
He steadied. “Relax. Let’s go back. I think you’re overtired.”
“I can see it all so clearly.” She went on unheeding. “So many people and I alone. Suki…”
“Suki?”
“My love. We wanted to marry but I was older than him.”
“Was Suki also killed?”
“He ran away.” She pointed. “He used to live in that house.”
“Perhaps he still lives there? Let’s go and check?”
“No!”
“Why not? Perhaps Suki’s still waiting for you?” He stepped forward to ring the bell.
Horrified, she clutched his arm and dragged him back. “Are you crazy?” She yelled.
“No. Are you?” His lips twitched.
***
Written for the Sunday Photo Fiction – a story in 200 words or less. Thanks (and apologies for breaking any rules by a double post) to Alistair Forbes for hosting the challenge and the photo prompt. To read the other stories inspired by this photo click here
I’m not (yet) quite comfortable with prompt-based writing. Amazed to see you inventing such smart story lines to suit the prompts! You’re prodding me to give a try, Dahlia…!
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Oh you simply must give it a try! I am sure you will do brilliantly. I was like this two years ago when I started. Actually still often struggle and am not always successful either. But I do enjoy the challenge of wrestling with the words and the photo 😀
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Good one
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Thanks Ravi 🙂
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I prefer this ending – better to confront your past rather than run from it!
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Thanks Iain but I think perhaps I wasnt clear enough. In this one she is bluffing just to break the ice between them and he catches her at it.
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he catches her, this sounds good to me, but he is ringing at the door? No?
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He pretended to – just to force her hand and reveal that she was bluffing 😀
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yes, but the story ends before…; )
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The story is different here (and is not about reincarnation at all!) which perhaps didnt come through but is underscored in the title.
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yes, the title says that she is bluffing … in order to get rid of him?
Within the story, I actually had the impression of reincarnation. She says she was lynched and he asked, if Suki was also murdered?
The question is, why should age be an obstacle to getting married? This complete story of Suki and her would be interesting and therefore the knocking was very good ….; Another question would be what the husband plays for a role. How could she be so fooled in her husband, or how can you feel like this in your honeymoon?
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There are many reasons for objections to marriage, specially in India where most marriages are arranged by the families and girls (or boys) have little say in their choice of partner. (i am an exception 😉 Hence she feels like this on her honeymoon – a strange man for a husband for life! And yes it is about reincarnation but in this version, she is pulling his leg in an effort to draw him out and make him react.
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oh thank you for explaining. O.k. so this husband is not the husband she wanted to marry, he is not the one she loves, but she even pulled his leg to react him? I do not understand the sense of this…
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Intriguing one indeed …a thriller ill say, but ended on a very light note…yet disturbing…but like the take on both of them
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I wonder why disturbing?
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Was she bluffing and making up a story? But then when her husband suggested knocking on the door, she retreated. But why horrified? Was it just knocking on a strangers door or she was scared to see what would have been?
Good Morning Dahlia. I did not realise you wrote both stories back to back.I liked them both.
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Ah thank you 🙂 She was bluffing and pulling his leg but she was too naive to guess that he too could pull her leg. Being imaginative she had already visualized him asking them if Suki lived here and if his girlfriend had been lynched 😀
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You stories are always intrigue, Dahlia!
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If I was him, I’d worry about her sanity also. Good writing, Dahlia. I’ll now read your other story. —- Suzanne
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Haha- you are right! She is a bit of a crackpot 😀 Thanks Suzanne
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